Want to make a great first impression that leads to connection? Context can really make a difference. Below is a list of how I like to interact with others depending on the who, what, when, where and why—plus what not to do if the goal is to connect.

1.

IN-PERSON

Meeting people in the actual 3D world has always been my favorite. It is, in fact, what humans were designed for. Favoring in-person connection is why I am overall abysmal at responding to messages immediately, however, I stand by and recommend this choice—my baseline anxiety has disappeared since I gave myself permission to be where I am, now.

In the most on-purpose way, I have chosen work in which it is appropriate and safe for me to intimately exchange touch with other human beings, or outside the ranch, to guide others through intimate experiences with themselves or their partners, on or off camera.

Safe intimacy that includes our whole bodies is a vital nutrient we all benefit from, and my ultimate goal is to support as many of us as possible in experiencing and creating that safety for ourselves and each other, over and over again.

AT THE RANCH: Bar Chat, Tour, or Party

Yes yes yes:

An appointment or at least a request is definitely my favorite way to get to know someone who is interested in partying—however one of my favorite things about the ranch is meeting unexpected people in the bar, learning about their world, and sharing mine.

It is totally kind and normal etiquette to honestly let a lady know if you’re just there for conversation, need convincing*, or are interested in more; at Sheri’s, ladies have 10 minutes to chat in the bar, and we can take you on a tour if you want to see some of the house and even my room if you’re curious how I decorate it.

Because I’m a highly sensitive human when it comes to noise, light and smoke, I don’t spend all my down time in the bar—so if you don’t see me, just request me and I will come out to say hello! And while how to make connected small talk in person is beyond the scope of this post, the takeaways of most books I’ve read on this topic agree that you can’t go wrong with genuine curiosity.

Please please no:

Rudeness.

Touching a lady without invitation.

Smoking in a new-to-you person’s face.

Insisting you’re “just here for a burger” while lecherously ogling every woman who walks by.

Whorphobia—discomfort or fear around sex work—of any kind can be left at the door, including introducing yourself with an obviously fake name (stage names are used for a sex worker’s safety); if you want to have fun using an alias, get clear on it with yourself/spouse/friend ahead of time.

*Personally, I am anti-convincing. It feels coercive, and while I have learned that this “encouragement” has an erotic draw that gives some people permission to utilize brothel services, I personally have no desire to participate in any post-nut shame stories that have to do with an irresistible temptress who “made” someone do something. However, a consciously invited consensual non-consent (CNC) scene might be something I say yes to; we discuss those types of details in a negotiation, which takes place in a lady’s room (not the bar or on a tour).

ON SET / IN STUDIO

Yes yes yes:

First clothed and then nude and then erotic photo and content shoots are how I learned and honed the skill of connecting with a stranger and inviting them to feel safe enough to do something as intimate as sharing themselves. While I think of sex as humanity’s “original creativity,” authentic self-expression of a person is what I am drawn to in all of the interpersonal work I do. When photo/content clients show up prepared, with a clear goal and a willingness to play, not only do we co-create amazing stuff, we have so much fun learning about one another in the process.

Please please no:

Be late if you want, but know that it comes out of your time. Let go of self-criticism and comparison. Let go of aiming for how you think you “should” look and just be you. And if you want to bring a support friend, make sure they are actually supportive (or I will kick them out).

EVENTS

Yes yes yes:

Assuming it’s appropriate for the context and moment, please say hi! Tell me how you know me, and we’ll surf the specifics depending on where we are or what’s actually happening, depending on whether we’re at a kink conference, an adult expo, podcast convention, film screening, concert etc.

Please please no:

Interrupting—whether it’s a conversation I am already in or a panel we’re watching—is not my vibe. And while I am always open to truly irresistible invitations, hitting on me with a hello is never my vibe.

2.

VIRTUAL

If I can’t smell, see, hear (and maybe taste or touch, depending on circumstance) a person, my next preference is to include as many of those elements as I can possibly have.

I find video is better for coaching and intimacy or relationship-rich work; it creates a natural two-way focus which allows me to read more of your body’s information through physical cues.

In other circumstances where creative problem-solving is key, I find audio-only better supports whatever your right-brained processes are.

ON-POD

Yes yes yes:

How to Woo is a podcast where people of all backgrounds are invited to share their relational wisdom. Guests join me to share their experiences of love, making love, and the sexy things they love so that we can all learn from each other and co-create a sexier world—and it is one of my favorite ways to get to know a new-to-me human!!! And yes, you can be as anonymous as you please ;)

Please please no:

This is decidedly not the place to hit on me or tease your possible visit to the ranch. This is not therapy or pressure to share beyond your comfort zone, it is simply an invitation to share for those who feel excited to do so.

WRITING LIVE-STREAM

Yes yes yes:

Patrons and past podcast guests gather for quick introductions and co-work through four 14-minute writing sprints and a minute of stretching between each the first Sunday of every month, then stay after for creative problem-solving office hours afterward.

Please please no:

Office hours are not the time to showcase or discuss anything private or personal you may have experienced with me directly and do keep the group’s experience in mind.

PREMIUM SOCIALS

Yes yes yes:

Introduce yourself as erotically as you please on onlyfans or sextpanther—share photos, video, audio, or we can even hop on a live call or video.

Please please no:

Do not mention meeting in-person on these platforms (even if you are mentioning a legal brothel—it’s against platform rules and can get a creator’s account taken down).

Please remember that it is good manners to tip when sharing anything that turns you on, gets you off or gives you any kind of erotic tingle (i.e. no dick pics without proper tribute).

3.

WRITTEN

Have you figured it out yet? I love words. Reading them, writing them, sharing them, expressing myself in ways that I still haven’t quite nailed consistently with mouth words (but oh, do I practice!).

Writing is both fun and tricky because it allows for large amounts of mutual projection, and does not afford either party the energetic feeling of the other. I prefer it for simple logistics, get-to-know-each-other informational exchanges, and specific questions if it’s a brand new connection.

Once I have met and vibed with you, I invite you to lead the connection and love receiving little life updates, especially in cases where our time together sparked something cool.

EMAIL

Yes yes yes:

I love hearing life updates if we’ve spent time together!

I love knowing who you are and what you’re daydreaming about if we have an upcoming appointment!

I love getting to know you if you think you will come visit me.

I love letting you know if we are a fit for a certain activity, scenario or dynamic.

I love answering any questions you might have about a visit to the ranch, especially if they aren’t covered in my FAQ’s.

I love thoughtful reflections on any episode of my podcast, How to Woo!

I love getting a glimpse of you and a feeling for how you would like to connect.

Please please no:

While I will respond to your details, I myself cannot elaborate on any potential activity in email—that’s reserved for our in-person negotiation! The only place we are officially allowed to discuss activity and price specifics are in my room when I am working at the ranch.

If you are writing to me to arouse yourself, please do so via premium socials (onlyfans or sextpanther). And if you’re looking for a long-term pen pal with no intention of coming to visit at the ranch, please use premium socials to connect!

PREMIUM SOCIALS

Yes yes yes:

Share fantasies (writing, audio, photo and video) and as many naughty details as our hearts and parts desire, per platform guidelines.

Please please no:

Again, most platform guidelines forbid discussion of in-person meetings, even in legal scenarios. Explicit mention of a ranch visit should be reserved for a logistics email!

PUBLIC SOCIALS

Yes yes yes:

Engaging with my words (following the prompt goes a long way!) in comments, supportive appreciation, respectful enthusiasm, sharing a personal detail, a playful flirt are encouraged and enjoyed.

Please please no:

Lewd, crude or rude communications, phrases intended to “mark territory” or referencing our private time together, complaining, low vibes in general or really anything below the basic standard of loving kindness. And if you want long or erotic private message exchanges, please use premium socials and tip!

HOW I PRIORITIZE:

If you reach out and don’t hear back from me right away, know that it is probably because I am already otherwise engaged, and I’ll get back to you as soon as healthily possible. First and foremost, I meet my basic needs for sleep, exercise, proper nutrition and introvert reflection time before I turn my energy to work focus, connection and playtime.

This is how I prioritize my interpersonal world, depending on where I am in the world:

When I’m at the ranch, I focus on ranch things.

1. In-person: appointments, then requests, then bar calls

2. Written: ranch-related email or DM inquiries, then ranch-related socials if I have bandwidth

3. Virtual: rarely happens if I’m at the ranch unless we have an established connection and are cool with me bopping out when I get a request.

When I’m at home, I focus on podcast and photo things.

1. In-person: photo/content shoots + podcast recordings

2. Virtual/Written: podcast emails and recordings, then photo emails, then premium socials

When I’m traveling/on set/in production: I focus on whatever led me to travel.

1. In-person: creative client and/or event, then local delicious food

2. Virtual/Written: I often ignore these while on the road, but do my best to respond to time-sensitive communications.

I may not text you back at regular intervals every day/week/month (I will definitely respond at least a couple times each quarter)—but when I turn my attention to you, my attention is fully on you.

TL;DR:

• In-person connections are THE BEST!!!!

• Introduce yourself via email if you’re definitely planning to visit

• Listen to and/or be a guest on my podcast if you want to chat for free before we meet

• Offer appreciation in the form of concrete value (tips, wishlist items etc) if you are looking for instant Erotic exchange with an internet stranger or are seeking attention that requires a high volume of time (messages longer than a couple paragraphs).

• If I don’t get back to you immediately, please chill and trust the divine timing.

• Treat others with loving kindness!