Want to make a great first impression that leads to connection? Context can really make a difference.

Below is a priority list of how I like to get to know people depending on the who, what, when, where and why—plus what not to do if the goal is to connect.

1.

IN-PERSON

Meeting people in the actual 3D world has always been my favorite. It is, in fact, what humans were designed for. Favoring in-person connection is why I am highly unlikely to respond to messages immediately, however, I stand by and recommend this choice—my baseline anxiety has disappeared since I gave myself permission to be where I am, now.

In the most on-purpose way, I have chosen work in which it is appropriate and safe for me to intimately exchange touch with other human beings, or outside the ranch, to guide others through intimate experiences with themselves or their partners, on or off camera.

Safe intimacy that includes our whole bodies is a vital nutrient we all benefit from, and my ultimate goal is to support as many of us as possible in experiencing and creating healthy connection for ourselves and each other—over and over again.

IRL AT THE RANCH: Bar Chat, Tours & Parties

Yes yes please:

An appointment or at least a request is definitely my favorite way to get to know someone who is interested in partying—however one of my favorite things about the ranch is also meeting unexpected people in the bar, learning about their world, and sharing mine.

It is totally kind and normal etiquette to honestly let a lady know if you’re just there for conversation, need convincing*, or are interested in more; at Sheri’s, ladies have 10 minutes to chat in the bar, and we can take you on a tour if you want to see some of the house and even my room if you’re curious how I decorate it or want to know about prices.

Because I’m a highly sensitive human when it comes to noise, light and smoke, I don’t spend all my down time in the bar—so if you don’t see me, just request me and I will come out to say hello!

And while how to make connected small talk in person is beyond the scope of this post, the takeaways of most books I’ve read on this topic agree that you can’t go wrong with genuine curiosity and a willingness to share and listen.

Once we’re in the party, I like to connect however makes the most sense. I tend to attract partners who mirror my two favorite ways to connect: talk and touch, and finding our unique texture and balance each time is what makes each co-creation special.

Please please no:

Rudeness.

Touching without invitation—most people don’t go around touching strangers on the arms, waist, neck or chest, and especially at a place where the business is to negotiate touch in exchange for tribute (money), initiating anything beyond a handshake or fist bump is considered rude.

Blowing cigarette or cigar smoke into a stranger’s face—this is a specialty party!

Insisting you’re “just here for a burger” while lecherously ogling every woman who walks by, or looking up and down my body before saying, “are you gonna slap me for what I’m thinking right now?” …the answer is no, people pay us quite a good sum of money to do that, and I only engage in kinky power play after a thorough negotiation once we’re in our party!

Whorphobia—discomfort or fear around sex work—of any kind can be left at the door, including introducing yourself with an obviously fake name (stage names are used for a sex worker’s safety); if you want to have fun using an alias, get clear on it with yourself/spouse/friend ahead of time, and if you want to make a big deal about using a personae into your play because it turns you on, bring that up during the negotiation, get consent from your lady, and pay for a party that includes that.

*Personally, I am anti-convincing. It feels coercive, and while I have learned that this “encouragement” has an erotic draw that gives some people permission to utilize brothel services, I personally have no desire to participate in any post-nut shame stories that have to do with an irresistible temptress who “made” someone do something. However, a consciously invited consensual non-consent (CNC) scene might be something I say yes to; we discuss those types of details in a negotiation, which takes place in a lady’s room (not the bar or on a tour).

IN STUDIO / ON LOCATION: Photos and/or Film Clips

Yes yes please:

Portrait sessions were how I first learned and honed the skill of connecting with a stranger, calming another human nervous system, and inviting them to feel comfortable to share themselves openly for me to capture. It was in this space that people began opening up to me, which eventually led me to record podcasts of personal shares, which evolved my camera work to include nude and ertoic subjects (and also, architecture, corporate events, and music—clients I connect with have always brought me into their world in a number of ways!). While I do think of sex as humanity’s “original creativity,” authentic self-expression of a person is what I am drawn to in all of the interpersonal work I do. When photo/content clients show up prepared, with a clear goal and a willingness to play, not only do we co-create amazing stuff, we have so much fun learning about one another in the process.

Please please no:

Be late if you want, but know that it comes out of your time. Let go of self-criticism and comparison. Let go of aiming for how you think you “should” look and just be you. And if you want to bring a support friend, make sure they are actually supportive (or I will kick them out).

EVENTS: Cons, Expos, Screenings, Etc.

Yes yes please:

Assuming it’s appropriate for the context and moment, please say hi! Tell me how you know me, and we’ll navigate specifics depending on where we are and what’s actually happening (i.e. a kink conference, adult expo, podcast convention, film screening, concert or wedding will all have very different details of how and what we discuss).

Please please no:

Interrupting—whether it’s a conversation I am already in or a panel we’re on or are watching—is not my vibe. And while I am always open to truly irresistible invitations, hitting on me with a hello and a set of assumptions is so common, I find it very resistible!

2.

VIRTUAL

If I can’t smell, see, hear (and maybe taste or touch, depending on circumstance) a person, my next preference is to include as many of those elements as I can possibly have.

I find video is better for coaching and intimacy or relationship-rich work; it creates a natural two-way focus which allows me to read more of your body’s information through physical cues.

In other circumstances where creative problem-solving is key, I find audio-only may better support whatever your right-brained processes are.

ON-POD

Yes yes please:

How to Woo is a podcast where people of all backgrounds are invited to share their relational wisdom. Guests join me to share their experiences of love, making love, and the sexy things they love so that we can all learn from each other and co-create a sexier world—and it is one of my favorite ways to get to know a new-to-me human!!! Guests can be as anonymous as they please, and anyone who is down to follow my question outline is encouraged to apply.

Please please no:

This is decidedly not the place to hit on me or tease your possible visit to the ranch, or ask me who you should see there if you do. This is not therapy (if you have trauma, please work through it in a private container with a licensed professional before coming on to share publicly!), it is also not pressure to share beyond your comfort zone—it is simply an invitation to share for those who feel excited to share their sex stories and relational learnings.

LIVE-STREAMS

Yes yes please:

From time to time, I host various group lives on Patreon or Onlyfans, whether it’s a writing workshop, group story sharing, a behind-the-scenes peek on set when I’m shooting, or trying out a new toy. I love when anyone there follows the prompt of the event, contributes thoughtfully, is willing to be open so we can learn from each other while also staying mindful that the purpose in coming together is for shared group energy. Tips especially on Onlyfans are always welcome if you like something I do, and are expected if you’re sharing erotically-inclined comments!

Please please no:

Live streams are not the time to showcase or discuss anything private or personal you may have experienced with me directly—especially if we’re on onlyfans, a platform that is designed to be fully virtual and is built to punish references to in-person meetings, past or future. If you wish to speak about our personal interactions, you are more than welcome to schedule a private call or live—please don’t make me remind you of this in front of a group!

PREMIUM SOCIALS

Yes yes please:

Introduce yourself as erotically as you please on Sextpanther or my VIP Onlyfans—share photos, video, audio, or we can even hop on a live call or video.

I love to know actual things about you—who you are, if we’ve met or interacted before, what part(s) of my work you’re familiar with, and what inspires you to connect, including but not limited to what’s turning you on currently, what you’re experiencing in your own relational life, and any fantasies that are bubbling.

If you want to play with me, I prefer clear invitations—a virtual mini negotiation. If you don’t know where to start, check out my tip menu that’s pinned to the top of my page.

Please please no:

Do not mention meeting in-person on these platforms (even if you are mentioning a legal brothel—it’s against platform rules and can get a creator’s account taken down).

Please remember that it is good manners to tip when sharing anything that turns you on, gets you off or gives you any kind of erotic tingle (i.e. no dick pics without proper tribute).

3.

WRITTEN

Have you figured it out yet? I love words.

Reading them, writing them, sharing them, attempting to say unformed thoughts with my mouth and stumbling through in excitement.

Writing is both fun and tricky because it allows for large amounts of mutual projection and does not afford either party the energetic feeling of the other. I prefer it for simple logistics, get-to-know-each-other informational exchanges, and specific questions, especially if it’s a brand new connection.

Once I have met and vibed with you, I invite you to lead the connection and love receiving little life updates, especially in cases where our time together sparked something cool. I typically reserve long, in-depth pen pal relationships for individuals who demonstrate a consistent desire to invest in our connection, who I can count on to see me in person regularly.

EMAIL

Yes yes please:

I love hearing life updates if we’ve spent time together!

I love knowing who you are and what you’re daydreaming about if we have an upcoming appointment!

I love getting to know you if you think you will come visit me.

I love letting you know if we are a fit for a certain activity, scenario or dynamic.

I love answering any questions you might have about a visit to the ranch, especially if they aren’t covered in my FAQ’s.

I love thoughtful reflections on any episode of my podcast, How to Woo, or questions about relationships that I can answer on-pod in my update/mailbag episodes!

I love getting a glimpse of you and a feeling for how you would like to connect.

Please please no:

For brothel-related emails, while I will respond to your details, I myself cannot elaborate on any potential activity in email—that’s reserved for our in-person negotiation! The only place we are officially allowed to discuss activity and price specifics are in my room when I am working at the ranch.

If you are writing to me to arouse yourself, please do so via premium socials (onlyfans or sextpanther).

And if you’re looking for a long-term pen pal with no intention of coming to visit at the ranch, please use premium socials to connect, and be appropriately generous with your tribute!

PREMIUM SOCIALS

Yes yes please:

Share fantasies (writing, audio, photo and video) and as many naughty details as our hearts and parts desire, per platform guidelines.

Please please no:

Again, most platform guidelines forbid discussion of in-person meetings, even in legal scenarios.

Explicit mention of a ranch visit should be reserved for a logistics email.

PUBLIC SOCIALS

Yes yes yes:

Engaging with my words (following the prompt goes a long way!) in comments, supportive appreciation, respectful enthusiasm, sharing a personal detail, a playful flirt are encouraged and enjoyed.

Please please no:

Lewd, crude or rude communications, phrases intended to “mark territory” or referencing our private time together, complaining, low vibes in general or really anything below the basic standard of loving kindness. And if you want long or erotic private message exchanges, please use premium socials and tip!

HOW I PRIORITIZE:

If you reach out and don’t hear back from me within a few days, it’s probably because you’ve emailed me through the ranch’s website and they remove my access to email when I’m not on premises.

If you’ve emailed me through my website and you haven’t heard from me in a few days, it is because I am already otherwise engaged, and I’ll get back to you as soon as healthily possible.

Most of my non-brothel time is spent with family, recording podcasts, doing photoshoots, creative sessions or private retreats, writing, or doing post production, plus all the chores that get neglected when I’m working with people. Like a true artist, I make a good effort at admin and email, but it is often the last thing I get to depending on the size of the creative whirlwind I’m currently in.

First and foremost, I meet my basic needs for sleep, exercise, proper nutrition and introvert reflection time before I turn my energy to work focus, connection and playtime.

This is how I prioritize my interpersonal world, depending on where I am in the world:

When I’m at the ranch, I focus on ranch things.

1. In-person: appointments, then requests, then bar calls

2. Written: ranch-related email or DM inquiries, then ranch-related socials if I have bandwidth

3. Virtual: rarely happens if I’m at the ranch unless we have an established connection and are cool with me bopping out when I get a request.

   
   

When I’m at home, I focus on podcast and photo things.

1. In-person: photo/content shoots + podcast recordings + post production

2. Virtual/Written: podcast emails and recordings, then photo emails, then premium socials

When I’m traveling/on set/in production: I focus on whatever led me to travel.

1. In-person: creative client and/or event, then local delicious food

2. Virtual/Written: I often ignore these while on the road, but do my best to respond to time-sensitive communications.

I may not text you back at regular intervals every day/week/month (I will definitely respond at least a couple times each quarter)—but when I turn my attention to you, my attention is fully on you.

TL;DR:

• In-person connections are THE BEST!!!!

• Introduce yourself via email if you’re definitely planning to visit

• Listen to and/or be a guest on my podcast if you want to connect on a deeper level before we meet

• Offer appreciation in the form of concrete value (tips, wishlist items etc) if you are looking for instant Erotic exchange with an internet stranger or are seeking attention that requires a high volume of time (messages longer than a couple paragraphs).

• If I don’t get back to you immediately, please chill and trust the divine timing.

• Treat others with loving kindness!