✨ Couples Threesomes ✨

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In all my years of interviewing people on-pod, one of the top fantasies I hear from partnered guests is a desire to have a threesome with their partner.

If they haven’t yet done this, there’s usually also hesitation or fear that the reality will be some level of disaster.

Or, I get details on the difficult parts of opening up:

• Finding someone both partners are attracted to

• Navigating the interpersonal dynamics that involve another entire person (or skipping that step, and treating a third like a prop or human vending machine, which usually hurts feelings, don’t do this please)

• Navigating apps that are supposedly designed for non-normative relationship structures and yet never quite clearly set the standards for social norms (assuming they’re in a metropolitan area large enough that they have options, and also assuming they feel comfortable showing up on an app like this)

• Making a date that works with three calendars

• Keeping that date low-pressure, even when the stakes of “using up precious free time” might feel high

• Finding a three-way vibe that is in balance and lasts for however long the parties mutually agree upon

The couples I’ve spoken with who are great at finding a third to play with tend to fall into one or all of the following categories:

• They have a decent amount of social bandwidth and enjoy investing time and energy in co-creating a new connection

• They have a more casual approach to new connections and thrive in spaces like swinger’s clubs and sex parties.

• Their friend groups are very sex-positive (i.e. slutty)

So for many couples, turning to a professional lady at a legal brothel offers helpful structure at every moment, from meeting to chatting to discussing needs and boundaries, to the actual sex parts—plus post-connection clarity.

This helps many partners feel totally safe exploring together while keeping the entire experience focused on the most fun, sexy parts that strengthen their connection.

And for those of us who are super into group sex, the memories of a threesome can live on into the future, fueling desire with memories of shared experience and affirming the couple’s bond.

MY DEFINITION:

A couple brings in a third and they play however they all agree.

This can be all three parties playing all the way, one partner watching while the other plays with the guest star, and I’ve also played the role of an extra pair of hands or a mouth supporting the erotic unfoldings, sometimes focusing on playing with one partner or the other or even taking turns while they play with each other; more details and variations below.

So, a couples threesome can be really any configuration one can imagine, but by my definition, includes two people who seek out a third person to play with.

WHY I LOVE IT:

You literally get a witness to the most intimate parts of your relationship who is also a professional guide and don’t need to feel remotely bad for making it clear that your primary is your primary—and it’s all still totally human.

If you and your partner are looking to explore with a bisexual/pansexual/kindsexual lover who is polywise and understands the landscape of non-monogamy (even when it’s anarchy) and you both happen to like tall natural dirty blondes and conscious communication, I’d love to meet you.

I love queer folx, am an experienced group play tour guide for newbies, and always love to celebrate the relationships of couples already familiar with their freaky parts. No one will ever be left out…on accident (imagine a happy devil emoji here). 

DETAILS AND VARIATIONS:

Currently at legal brothels, courtesans are ladies (and of course when I get to design the Superbrothel of my dreams, it will be queer and inviting to all configurations), and the majority of couples who come in are heteronormative, but we also get lesbian and bi guy couples, too.

At Sheri’s, because we have a requirement that there’s always at least one lady present for each gentleman, in cases where two bi dudes come in and want to play with a lady, it either turns into a foursome with another lady added in, or at the very least includes another lady who becomes a voyeur-chaperone to achieve the 1:1 ratio—which I have not yet done but would be totally into. I think GG has been with a bi couple at the ranch, I need to wrangle her on here for an addendum.

If, however, two lady partners come in, we can have a lesbian three-way, which is absolutely on my bucket list; the closest I’ve gotten was one lady watching and one lady playing with me.

The couple also doesn’t need to be a romantic partnership—we’ve had hookup buddies and friends come party. I had one instance where one friend was curious and wanted to watch, even though she wasn’t romantically or physically involved with her friend who had brought her, and, it’s probably a little obvious at this point, I get really turned on by that type of open-minded curiosity and sharing.

The specifics of threesomes can look almost any way. In a negotiation, the key questions I start with to see if a couple might be a fit to work with me are:

• How experienced are you with group play?

• What have you imagined together?

• What are your top priorities?

• What are your boundaries?

• Do you have any concerns?

In general, if a couple has a clear idea of how they want to play, feel on the same page, and are open to ongoing communication, we can discover our overlap and have all kinds of fun. If I encounter a pair where one or both parties seem uncomfortable, if it feels like one is pushing the other, if the negotiation becomes about fears of jealousy, or if they have “no” boundaries, I usually advise them to spend a little more time getting clear on their yeses and no’s.

In any context, if a person tells me they have “no” boundaries, they are usually simply unaware of what their boundaries are. They could be relying on assumptions that may or may not be shared (I’ve stopped doing this semi-joke because it scared people, but I used to go, “oh GOOD, I’ve been looking for someone to practice anal fisting on!”), so I take it as an indicator that we need to ask questions to get proper clarity.

Most of the boundaries I’ve encountered so far have limited the action of the penis-owning partner, depending on how they want the focus. I’ve had scenarios where the penis’d one and I totally focus on spoiling the pussy owner, or he gives me a tutorial on how she likes to be touched, I’ve also had parties with couples that wanted to improve their skill, technique and comfort with each other so I gave him the tutorial, showing how to tease and check-in with communication as I learn her body. I’ve also had parties that became a four-handed massage first on him, then on her, parties where he watched and touched himself while she and I played, and parties where he was in charge of the upper half, with makeouts and nipple worship, while I teased and touched and licked her from below, and even one where the couple wanted to make out with each other on my pussy while going down on me.

The two most common fears I tend to hear have to do with jealousy or feeling left out.

To address jealousy, I usually establish a safe word or phrase with them where a pause can be requested if feelings come up. This tends to create an open line of communication with a sense of safety that allows both parties to drop into fun play mode. So far, none of my play partners have needed to call a pause for jealousy reasons, but if we did I have practices I use in relationship coaching that can be used to facilitate expression of feelings and co-create next steps.

And while I’ve interviewed people who have reported feeling left out in a threesome, I haven’t experienced this myself. I usually check to see if there are any specific configurations that they find really hot, and if they have no idea, I show them some of my favorites. In cases where one partner seems nervous, shy, or out of sync (usually the guy), I usually suggest ideas with the other partner in a form of a question—

“Should we have him _____?”

“Would it be fun if she _____?”

“What if we all ______?”

And one of my favorite things to do is to ask partners who have high levels of comfort in and confidence with each other to show me how they love to please and tease each other, or play copycat. In those instances where my two play partners are really into each other, I take great pleasure in exploring different ways to touch them that might add pleasure to whatever they’re doing—sometimes it’s adding pressure with my fingers on a pussy and/or around a cock, sometimes it’s tickling inner thighs, balls, and labia, sometimes I focus on nipples or, if it’s really slow and sensual, I might give both lovers neck massages. It completely depends on whatever is happening in that moment, and I tend to just follow the thread of hotness.

The “unexpected” thing that is more common than people might think is that penises can get hyper-excited, overstimulated, or even shy—especially in front of their true loves and/or with a new partner, especially if it’s a first threesome. For so many couples, especially ones practiced in monogamy, even as the fantasy is hot, the actual moment can be overwhelming. I’ve had male partners express as they’re approaching p-in-v sex with me that it can feel like betrayal, and this is often dissolved by enthusiasm on the part of their partners. Others have said it feels like pressure, or they simply get in their heads about condoms or performance. Again, the way out of this soft tangle is usually to return to the present moment, follow the energy of the current turn-on, allow ourselves to be where we are, and go from there.

I’d say the bulk of couples who come in are looking for an experience that covers all the bases and includes elements of flirtation, exploration of the body to spend some time in turn-on before we get to touching, manual and oral stimulation, and penetration.

These are some of my favorite configurations; these can all work in variation with bodies with live cocks or strap-ons, and at the ranch, I am often working with straight couples, i.e. another vulva and a penis:

F*cking + Face-Sitting

It’s so fun to ride a face or cock while staring at another pair of boobies, and depending on the vigor of the situation and length of torso, this can be an excellent way to triangle into nipple-sucking. I’ve also received a back massage while in reverse cowgirl, and have had a pussy sit on my face while I got fucked by her partner, which allows the couple to make out while also playing with me.

One in Front, One Behind

This is similar to the above but flipped—think of this as a universal spit roast position, but the spits don’t have to necessarily be cocks. This allows everyone to take a turn in each position! The partner in the middle is typically on hands and knees or lying flat(ish), with one partner doing them from behind with hands, mouth, toys or a cock, while the other partner can be offering genitals via lap or standing.

Missionary in my Lap

Especially if a couple wants to maintain and prioritize their own connection, I love to support from the sidelines, or caress her hair, ears, face and breasts while he does her missionary-style. She doesn’t have to be in my lap, though it’s sweet to anchor, but wherever I am nearby I add hands, caresses, kisses and stimulation. It’s also sometimes fun to play with his balls from behind, or to massage their feet and legs working my way up, and one move I love is to add pressure on the outer lips of her vulva and the sides of his cock as he thrusts in.

Side-by-Side

I will either have the couple lay side-by-side so I can play with them both with my hands, but it’s also really, really fun to hold hands with my lady lover while the partner fingers us simultaneously with each hand. Back and forth penetration can also really be fun; since adding and removing condoms can be cumbersome, I use an internal condom so the cock can be free to move back and forth—just be sure to always let penis-owning partners know: if they’re going to come in an internal condom, go deep, all the way inside, and keep cum away from the edges.

Pussy Stack

I love to be squished, so if a pussy’d partner is up for it, I love to be laid upon so our partner with the dick can alternate between us vertically, and I have easy access to neck, ears, nipples and allows me to put my hands on thighs and butts. And I’m also great at being a squishier if my counterpart wants to take a turn on the bottom.

Circle (or Chain) of Mouths

For some people, group sex is overstimulating—but for the ones who like it, that extra stimulation is part of the fun. I love to give and receive at the same time, and while taking turns and letting each person be the center of attention is totally fun, a circle of oral is also very fun way to get on the same wavelength. Doing it chain-style is also a fun way to rotate, so each person gets a turn as the giver, giver-receiver, and full receiver.

Scissoring Plus

Classic scissoring is typically finding the yummiest vulva-to-vulva rhythm, though I’ve also definitely had some successfully hot angles with a cock that I would consider scissoring—and having extra hands, mouths and kisses especially while I’m entwined with another femme is super duper hot. I’ve also heard of but not yet tried a variation where a cock slides into one of the vulvas, I’d be very, very down to try that.

This is by no means a comprehensive list, and there are so many swirls of bodies I’ve experienced that are magically indescribable, and that is a huge part of the fun!

WHO IT’S FOR:

Couples who value a safe, complete, legal interpersonal experience.

One reminder for anyone visiting a legal brothel: barriers—meaning condoms and Lorals or dental dams—are always required, and fluid exchange is not legal. So if your main goal is to make out with someone while you go down on someone without protection, you probably would be better off investing the time and energy into dating to find someone who you both like, who also likes you, and establishing the type of trust and connection that leads to fluid bonding and ideally a round of testing for all first, for safer play.

I have experienced the most attitude about using protection from couples who come in self-identifying as swingers; I also have had people who’ve had illegal experiences at strip clubs or who met a random girl at a party and they seem almost offended when we go to negotiate. To me, that’s like going to a car dealership and being like, “why do I have to pay?! I’ve driven a car before!”

If a couple wants to invest hours of time, money and energy in finding someone in their community who both parties are attracted to, and who is down to either be just a plaything or also wants to date both of you the same amount you want to date them and you’re all aligned, great! Go do that.

Most couples who visit brothels are looking to explore, are looking to be guided, are looking for someone outside of their day-to-day life, and they are usually looking for a sense of connection without adding a new regular romantic partner to their lives—and they tend to leave very, very happy.

So if you’re wanting to explore a threesome and want to be able to focus on you and your partner while experiencing something brand new, investing in a trip to a brothel is a fun, hot, low-stakes way to get right to the most fun parts.

Questions? Let me know!